Thursday, April 29, 2004
[In continuation to previous entry]
OH WAIT WAIT!!!!...I fergot to mention this! Chloe Ariana...yes MY 6-yr-old cousin CHLOE ARIANA...is representing the WHOLE OF NEW SOUTH WALES in this karate or tekwando international championship !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is like representing the WHOLE OF AUSTRALIA for crying out loud!...& she's been inteviewed by multitudes of journalist, she's even appeared in an australian magazine for heaven's sake!!!!...Cikta says that there's this one whole page with a picture of her kicking real high...and the title for it is "Not Every 6-yr-old Can Represent Their Country"...OH MY GODDDDDDD...this is like what I have always imagined...Chloe & followed closely by her 2 younger siblings will be the biggest thing to ever happen to the whole family...& mine you I HAVE seen her fight in a video...hahaha..it was funny...there was this old lady in the back saying "Ohhhh! She's SOOO cute!"...then when it was time to fight she...MY GOD...KICKED THE BOY'S (YES A BOY) AZZ so baddd...hahaha..tak kasi chance sak...this is what I had to survive for one whole month in Sydney...a fighting machine (make it THREE)...& your thinking "Arman is so bad!...Always complaining bout his cousins!"...hahaha...I can pikture it already...Chloe...she has everything...the most happiest & perfect childhood...she's gorgeous, intelligent,vain..does almost everything (Judo, Violin, Ice-skates/rollerblades, tennis)...she'll be one hell of a big star...arghhhh...hahahaha...I'm just overwhelmed (dier yng gonna make it big kau yng overwhelmed Arman eh bagoz)...hahaha...okok...i need to rest...too overwhelmed...
PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [3:39 PM]
ReM!N!ScEnCe <40>
Hmmm...woke up @ 10am & went to the kitchen to get myself cereal for breakfast & I saw the latest issue of FHM with Britney Spears on the cover on the kitchen table...(For those who are not in the know Britney Spears was voted the "Sexiest Woman In The World 2004" by FHM readers)...it's not that I'm this angelic saint cause I have read it...but i just thought the kitchen table was a funny place to find a FHM magazine...well heck...aniways seeing that magazine made me remember about the time when Cik Pa confiscated mine in the past cause Faiz bastard aku...siak jer...hahaha...those were the days...I remember feeling so damn frustated & pist & I was cursing Faiz...& getting into malay class the next day was a torture...it took me 10 minutes to finally get into the classrooom to prepare myself for the humiliation...hahaha...& ever since that day onwards everytime Cik Pa was discussing about BGR & "crocodile boys" my name will without failed be mention...hahaha...but Cik Pa & me are cool now...I dont think anyone knows this but i real love her...the best advices & lessons I ever learned in school was from her...I mean not academic knowledge but life lessons...I really enjoyed & learnt alot from listening to all her long rumblings...hahaha...but she's been picking on me quite a lot ah come to think of it...& I don't now why cause I'm not even the "bad boy" she probably perceived me as...she even caught me chewing gum in class once & forced me to stick it on my forehead!...the humiliation...my God...I was the luffing stock...hahaha...kinda miss those days...i said KINDA...not really hardcore miss it...but yeah...nonetheless miss those days...sighhh...LOOK AT ME...I'm suddenly talking about Cik Pa just from looking at the cover of a FHM magazine!
Yesterday caught another episode of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"...i've never missed even one episode of the latest season...& I tell you "Buffy.." is becoming one of the best TV series ever...i'm not exaggerating because I'm a "Buffy" groupie...but seriously every episode is real real real real real good...each cast member have evolved into real talented thespians...every epsiode is real emotionally intense...it's like the intensity is effortless...the actors just naturally radiate it...and the plot is undeniably becoming more interesting, more creative...hey...it IS the LASTEST SEASON after 7yrs...& yesterday's episode was soo cool..."From Beneath You It Devours"...yes yes...ooohh....getting goosebumps just from thinking about this line...cause I saw a preview where all the future slayers (& YES...the gorgeous Eliza Dushku iz backkk!!!!) were there training for some future battle to save the world...& I'm talking "Lord of The Rings" style...yep...it's that BIG...& Willow...oohhh...I love it when she gets angry & frustrated & her face is twisted...she has become a terrifyingly good witch who almost destroyed the world when her girlfriend was shot & died...oh yes...she was a lesbian in the last season...(ohhhhhh....hahahaha)...& she's now like a recovering magic junkie...like some ppl are undergoing rehabilitation from taking drugs...her problem is equivalent xcept hers is magic...one of the BESTEST catfights I ever saw was the one between her & the goddess...oh COMMON MAN!...a "tormented", "all hell break lose", witch is versusing a goddess!...that spells "one of the bestest catfights" u have ever seen!...Willow lost ah ofcoz...but I still remember her black eyes...her floating in mid-air...calling upon apocalypse...with lightning coming out from her hands....& knives flying all over the place...FUHHH...hahahaha...okok...the last time I showed my maturity by passionately expressing my manic interest in a show was in Feb I think...I was describing an episode of the japanese anime "RAVE:Groove Adventure"...haha...& Cik Moosey Moose was reading it & trying to figure out how a boy like me could be so intrigued by a Japan anime...hahaha... okok...I better go now...
PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [1:38 PM]
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <39>
I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA KILL MYSELF & THIS BLOODY COMPUTER...I DELETED ABOUT HALF OF MY PREVIOUS BLOG ENTRY...n u know why?...its because this com is so bloody slow & I was clicking this & that & it took so long to process the data I thought it hanged so i accidentally clicked this thing & the next thing you know half the blog entry was gone... just what the hell man...it's been infected with a virus & I tell you if I can materialise that virus I will torture it in the most excruciating way to death...it's so frustrating man...Aku gi type punye panjang, baring ny hearts out & now this bloody com gi buat prangai...& I know why this com has been infected with a virus...it's because someone in this family just can't go get married & get some sex out of his system & he just had to download sexually-stimulating files to satisfy his desires...bloody hell...& Richard curse you man u idiot...If i could I'd torture you to death just like what I have in mind for this bloody virus...I'm in a murderous rampage right now...& I'm STILL UNEMPLOYED...awwww mannnn...arghhhhh!!!!
he flared his nostrils rapidly [10:55 AM]
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <38>
Yesterday was a seriously bad day dat twisted itself & became a pretty alrite day...yeah it turned out pretty alrite, thanks to a bunch of friends & family members...
Getting real tired of waiting for Richard to call me up I decided to head down to Cathay by myself & ask the guy watsup with him not calling last week & to clarify whether he still wants me for the job or if he even remembers me to begin with...I decided that if he changed his mind about employing me (which i guess would be a bitch) I'll just have to head down to Robinsons & tell Cheryl that I accept the packer job, cause she did give me until Monday to make my final decision...So that was exactly what I did...
Before I headed down to town I decided to meet up with Liyana just for awhile to catch up on each other's news & talk about stuff...of all places we met up at the control station & just kind of hanged around and discussed about some "issues" & hypocritical people who seriously has a problem to say the very least...(aniwayz my animaniac cousins just text me saying dey miss me and my cats and wanna come by to my place...1,2,3...Everybody say:AWWWWW...I think its Nadia...Naufal doesnt "speak" like that...hahaha)...so after that I made my move. Inthe MRT i was rehearsing what to tell Richard in my mind...I've been calling him an idiot so many times and after you have read what I have typed at the end of this most probably long blog entry I'm positively sure you guys will undeniably agree with me Richard is a bornt-idiot...Wendy text me while I was making my journey there & told me she had a baaaad feeling about me meeting up with Richard...I asked her why but she just said her instincts told her so. (Eh Wen, I think I'll trust your instincts from now on.)...[fast-forward]...When I reached Cathay I saw a girl worker & asked her where can I find Richard...aniways she had that attitute thing going on...(just what is up with Cathay workers & their attitudes man? I think Wendy will agree with me on this.)...she told me to wait at the Cafe area and he'll meet me right there...So I sat & waited for a real long time...& while I was waiting, I do not know whether it was due to the fact that I did not have my glasses on, but I think the workers were looking at me like I'm some kind of alien or some evil demonic presence...aaah...I'm so used to that look...[& ppl tell me I'm the one who looks like an egoistic bastard)...I've finally figured it out & came to a conclusion as to why people constantly give me this kinda looks...I guess its just that I'm so good-looking & they just can't stand it...hahah
he flared his nostrils rapidly [4:30 PM]
Saturday, April 24, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <37>
I finally caught HellBoy juz now wit Aidil & Adnan...wah seriouzly man nak ajak Aidil gi tengok wayang cam nak ajak anak president sak...hahaha...de movie waz awesome ah...& dont compare de movie 2 X-Men ah...watch de movie az it iz...itz an enjoyable ride...& HellBoy remindz me of Unkle Jo!!!! hahahaha...apart frm de chiselled-off hornz, red skin, long tail & dat not-so-humanly-face...he'z kompletely similar 2 Unkle Jo...hahahaha...
Well I better get 2 bed now...besok nak kollek uniform pat Robinsonz...GOD ALL MIGHTY PLEZE GET DAT RICHARD DAT IDIOT 2 KALL ME...alamak ur "early next week" iz gonna turn in2 early de week after next week man...haiz...
PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [1:10 AM]
Friday, April 23, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <36>
I seriouzly dezpised hypokritikal ppl who r trying 2 make me hate another person who iz so obviouzly not not de kinda person who u want me think dat person iz...seriouzly man juz wat de hell iz ur problem...u kaming 2 me & saying all diz krap abt diz other person & trying 2 sound like diz fantastik fren trying 2 help diz person but in actual fact ur real motive iz 2 make me diz hate person...eh dizguzting idiot...i waz born wit a brain & i can form my own perzpectivez, & I think I know who de real good person iz here...Get a life man...
Well aniwayz...yezterday I got de biggest shock of my life when Jennifer Hudson waz out frm de American Idol kompetition...she waz like one of de best vocalistz...wat de heck man...de ppl in de bottom 3 were Fantasia, La Toya London & Jennifer Hudson...diz 3 are de most obviouzly gonna b in de final 3...predict de unpredictable I gezz...well de only thing I kud say iz dat Amerikanz r idiotz datz all (ah mampoz kau Arman kalau any American person iz reading diz...ahhh mampoz ah)...isk isk isk...racism ah I think...who knowz...
PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [11:48 AM]
Thursday, April 22, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <35>
Itz been awhile since I last updated u wit watz going on in my life...mainly bkoz I dont have de energy or capacity 2 type down every single detail of my life in2 one blog entry...& if I were 2 make an attempt 2 blog it all down...I know dat I'd juz b 2 mentally exhauzted 2 kontinue...but 2day I'll try 2 fill u in wit de gist of watz been up wit me...
1st of all...I wanna give a big shout-out 2 my sweet siz Natasha...HAPPY 13TH BTHDAY NAT!...May ALL UR WISHEZ COME TRUE aight sweetheart...Diz gal rite here...shez been thru alot diz yr...shez been going thru all diz trialz & tribulationz in her life & I worry 4 her...but I know she'll b alrite coz for a (juz-turned) 13-yr-old she showz maturity beyond her yearz & sometimez itz so freaky coz shez more matured den me man!...hahaha...Well Nat...de only thing I kan tell u 4 now iz dat dont waste ur life away by giving up juz coz life'z hard & de teachers suck alrite...dont make de same miztake I did...ur one hell of a frighteningly intelligent kid (hahaha) so u go prove 2 doz peabrain teacherz dat u're not wat dey think u r...& I also wanna tell dat u I'll b here if u need any lame azz 2 amuse u wit hiz idiotic-ness or u need anyone 2 talk 2 k?...God bless...
Well...one statement I kan honestly make iz dat diz past week haz been a week of wild revelationz...If Rebecca Tan were 2 tell me she wantz 2 get a piece of metal jammed in2 her tongue I'd juz say it waz a matter of time (aniwayz...Becky...if u're miraculously reading diz...i wanna tell u dat...IT SUX U HAVE A TONGUE-PIERCING & I DONT!!!!...but erm...b4 anyone startz yelling in my ear...coz I know Mimi will b hell pist if she readz diz...i wont get one alrite???...haha...). But if Aidil were 2 tell me hiz sizter Nadia bte Azman juz had her tongue pierced I'd say de world haz officially gone mad & took a 360 degreez rotation...seriouzly man...trepanjat berok sak biler Aidil told me dat...I mean one o de best thingz abt Nadia iz dat shez inkredibly pretty & smart (ah ah...all u horny guyz out der...stay away frm her...shez under my protection...wich iz not much of a defence actually...haha...but dont mess wit my family if u know watz good 4 u)...but yet shez still not de jeniz minah menggetel who slutz arnd like derz no 2morow...she still haz dat innocent mentality lah wich iz rare 4 any pretty malay gerl her age...but when I herd shez got her tongue-pierced...damn...de one thing I kan say iz dat diz whole "situation" iz really taking itz toll on all de kidz...mayb xcept Naufal who i think dat even if de werld iz kaming 2 an end he'll still b playing computer gamez & b ignorant abt it...but Aidil & Nadia...sigh...doez dat bloody man knowz wat hez done 2 de family?...& mama told me abt someting de other day...sigh...I'll try my best 2b der 4 my animaniak kazenz...ur asking why me?....WHY NOT?
Erm...aniwayz yezterday I saw Cik Amin...woah...when i saw him i seriouzly donno wat 2 say sak...like my voice got stuck in my throat...he say i've grown fat (okok...itz as if de comfirmation I waz looking 4 haz been er...confirmed when he said dat...I'M GONNA START JOGGING EVERY MORNING!!)...coz my face chubby (alamakkk dude...biler maser muker aku tak penah chubby?)...den he asked me 2 show him my teeth...he probably wanted 2 see if my teeth were yellowing frm smoking...ofcoz I'm not ah...furthermore I brush my teeh at least twice daily aight...den he told me someting dat waz like a burst of happinezz...& dat'z de understatement of de century man...He told me after i've completed my Poly education he'z gonna get me a motorbike (everyone gaspz...)...den I told him mama & abang wont let me get one (& yez my mama told me later in de day dat I'll only get a motorbike over her dead body...yep...her exact werdz)...den he told me he'z gonna get me a car...AND A BIKE (again everyone gaspz)...WEEE HOOOOO...& yeah he doez have de money 2 back up wat he said...hahahaha...im happy...yez yez...I never knew physical thingz kud drive one so insanely happy...haha...
I've been spending de last couple of dayz @ nyai'z house...itz good ah 2 back in dat old enviroment...dat atmosphere wich i waz xposed 2 & nurtered in...& ofcoz i had a real strange, eccentric childhood...verging on merepek-nezz ah actually...wich explainz y I'm krap mozt of de time...n yeah if datz de kase I'm glad I turned out krap...derz someting abt living under de same house wit nyai...even after she moved de new house still haz dat..."feeling"..."atmosphere"...itz like a silent sadnezz...of stories dat remain secret & iz yet untold...& also like...a dark & very deep deep history...yeah...try 2 imagine dat...i cant really express it or verbalise it (not dat u'd hear my voice aniwayz)...well...wat I wanna say iz dat...Nyai iz de kinda person who even if u intentionally killed someone & ur totally in de wrong...she'll be by ur side...& dat kan either b a good thing or a bad thing..depending on wich side ur own...n it sux coz she thinkz im in de middle but in actual fact im in de other side opposing herz...well...I kant do nothing much...let thingz go wit de flow I gezz...
Well, datz all folkz
N one more thing! Lauryn Hill...damn..she de bomb man...her music haz OFFICIALLY filled dat gap in my heart when Aaliyah passed away...
N oh yeah, I have a leaking nose & a croaky throat,making my voice sound so inkredibly deep & sexy...hahahahahahahahaha...
PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [10:50 AM]
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
"Untitled" (as of yet)
Envisaging such rapture in a damaged household
For viracious pleasures in the mind of the bold
Soporific advices smothering her soul
Repressing melancholy that is just yet untold
Psychological scars even time cannot heal
Rehearsing dialogues, never-ending with zeal
No abstinence from pain, trying to search for the thrill
She's only burning herself, and now her skin is peeled
Idealogies questioned, resolutions abstruse
Being naive is naive, no one's calling a truce
Flummoxed & confused, you've been broken you've been bruised
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(unfinished as of yet)
he flared his nostrils rapidly [5:52 PM]
Monday, April 19, 2004
"Struggle"
Imperceptible changes deforming an idyllic life
Impinging ignoramous youths, constantly on the strive
Trepidation un-needed, what is needed is passion & drive
Melancholic situations, prevent me from taking the dive
Insecurity, depression - manifestations of tribulations
Mistakes always committed, always followed by corrections
Resisting meretricious temptations, I can feel this temperamental frustration
Temporizing vigilant actions, cause to me they're of unsignificance
Invoking within me, unhealthy imaginations
A mediocrity surrounded by intellectuals
Staying alive in the face of opposition, that is what I call survival
Inventing fantasy lives, for vicarious pleasure that is oh so incredible
I need to wake up cause it's all so superficial
Pugnacious people victimizing pukka people
Verbalising hatred, innocents are ridiculed
Speculating my shenanigans therefore I wish I was invisible
From the eyes of those who choose, to live by their own unguided principles
What people need to do is to keep it low & to keep it humble
In a world where life is a continous struggle
Written by: The one & only me
he flared his nostrils rapidly [8:42 PM]
Sunday, April 18, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <34>
Hey Bloggie...watsup my man?...me?...I'm chillin I gezz...damn...derz been quite alot of stuff happening in my life in deze past 2 dayz...derz so much shit 4 me 2 reminisce abt & get out of my overloaded system I dont even know wer 2 begin...okok...wat abt I start wit yezterday...
<-- Saturday -->
It waz abt 4pm & it waz a real sleazy Saturday afternoon & I waz feeling sleepy...so de next thing u know I threw myself on my parent'z so unresistably-comfortable bed & fell deep in2 sleep...abt an hour later my mama woke me up & told me Cikta (my aunty frm Australia & yez...de mother of doz lovely, gorgeouz, mixed but totally monsterish, baby kazenz of mine) kalled & wanted 2 talk...& ofcoz I naturally felt a lil agitated coz I waz so deep asleep & she woke me up juz coz Cikta wanted 2 talk...like she kud've juz told her I waz sleeping?...so I had 2 drag myself up frm de bed & get 2 de phone all de way in my bro'z room coz de batt 4 de cordlezz phone waz flat (isnt it alwayz?)...tried 2 wipe de sleep off my eyez...picked up de phone...& diz waz how our konversation went...
Cikta: Arman...wat r u doing?
Arman: I waz sleeping... (dengar sangat suarer aku dreary sak...haha)
Cikta: Are u going 2 nyai'z (grandma) house? I kalled her up & she told me she waz alone...Yayi pegi kejer(entah betol ke tak Tuhan je tahu) & Cik Man waz probably fro-licking (kk,I made up de fro-licking part) wit dat other woman...
Arman: Actually I waz tinking of seeing Nyai tadi...
Cikta: Aaaah...okok...u go back 2 sleep, den when u wake up in abt another hr or so u go 2 her place aight?
Arman: OK...
...& wit dat, I put down de receiver, dragged myself 2 my parent'z room, & threw myself (kaboom) on deir oh-so-unresistably-comfortable bed...& slept like a baby...(fast-4ward)...I woke up abt 2 hrz later...looked @ de clock @ de side-table wich showed de time waz already 6.50pm...datu mama kame in2 de room & told me 2 bangon cepat2 coz itz gonna b 7...nanti lambat sampai rumah Nyai...& i waz a lil pist (biaser ah, budak tanak bangon tidoh tapi tepakser bangon tidoh)...so I woke up & cepat2 amek wuduk & solat Asar & pazz 2 solat Magribh sekali...& den went 2 pack my stuff (basikally klothez & food mama packed untok Nyai) & off I went...on my way I realized aku pakai baju slack giler...I waz still wearing de singlet & shortz i waz sleeping in...pakai topi...pakai sportz shoe (tot of jogging tepi laut de next morning)...hahaha...I looked like a basketball player actually...well aniwayz...I waz walking like a sleepy zombie in de darknezz 2wardz de bustop depan rumah Ifa situ...I mizzed de buz so I had 2 wait 4 another one...waited for abt 15 minz & finally de 903 buz kam..boarded it...de lightz in de buz waz so bright I kud have went blind...der wer so many ppl...dropped down 3 bustopz later...walked quite a distance like a sleepy zombie 2wardz Nyai'z house...reached her house...knocked on de door...
"Assalamualaikom"...I waz greeted wit an old yet in my earz warm voice dat iz only pozzezzed by one woman & one woman only...MY GRANDMOTHER..."Waalaikumsalam"...hahaha...2 tell u de truth I waz having a smile on my face when I waz knocking on her door...itz been awhile since I last saw her...my grandmother...de woman who haz 50% kredit 4 raising me up...
OKOK...I really kant blog 2nite Bloggie...I'm real tired...I'll kontinue blogging bt my past 2 dayz 2morow nite aight? PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [9:39 PM]
Thursday, April 15, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <33>
Hey Bloggie!!!...DAMN!...I've never been az happy in de past 2 weekz az I am in diz past 2 dayz...1st of all...I HAVE A LAPTOP...2nd of all...I'VE GOT A JOB...3rd of all...I GOT 2 HANG OUT WIT MY BUDDIEZ 4 DE PAST 3 DAYZ...4thly..."SOMEONE" carez (erm...hehehe)...5thly...smalam American Idol only showed a recap of de most memorable momentz...& 2nite & besok de actual competiton will b telecast...I think Channel 5 knowz yezterday I got religiouz class so i wont kam home in time 2 catch it...muhahaha...cant b any happier...damn...im HAPPY...
PEACE
& i juz wanted 2 remind u I'm HAPPY
he flared his nostrils rapidly [8:35 PM]
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <32>
Hey Bloggie...watsup my man???...I'm doing alrite i gezz...which iz really making a statement konsidering wat my previouz entry waz...I gezz dat I waz juz 2...I waz 2...caught up konsuming myself in my own doom & dwelling in my fruztration & dare I say it pain & I waz having de attitude of a loser...I waz bitching abt my life & how much it sucked...but seriouzly speaking...komplaining abt my life & pouring my heart'z kontent in2 my blog entry & reading wat I said made me juz want 2 smack myself in de face & juz get up on my azz & do someting abt it...Woah...I tink de old Arman iz slowly kaming back...I hate de uglier side of myself...I do not want 2 give up on myself & kontinue bitching abt how life iz unfair & how much it suckz 2b me...I want 2 save myself & bkam a better, more pozitive person...a better person den i waz b4 hopefully...& I gotta start somewer...so letz start frm 2day...rite here rite now...
(Slowly breathing innnn...& outttt...ahhhh...much better)...Well, 1st of all...I hope my frenz & anyone klose 2 me were not in any way hurt reading wat I said in my previouz entry...I kan't stop helping ppl...I feel it iz my responsibilty 2b der 4 ppl in deir timez of need...be it helping dem wit my lame sense of humour, or giving dem emotional support, or giving dem encouragement & pozitive advice, or giving dem a shoulder 2 kry on...I'm not sure why i'm so helpful...even my mother doesn't know juz how helpful her son iz kapable of being...but helping ppl iz my nature...& I will alwayz try my best 2 get out of my way & help my frenz & anyone close or even not close 2 me when dey need it, even when I'm in need of care & concern myself...IF I KAN...datz juz me I gezz...Derfore Im real real sorry if anyone felt insulted or hurt by wat i said in my previouz entry...& I'll try 2b der 4 u guyz IF I KAN...I'm not Superman...I've got feelingz 2 ya know...
he flared his nostrils rapidly [9:30 PM]
ReM!N!ScEnCe <31>
"Some ppl want 2 have it all...but I...don't want 2 have it all...If I ain't got U babay..If I ain't Got Uuuu Babayy"...itz 1.40am...I kan't sleep...& i'm singing an Alicia Key'z song alone in de darknezz of my brudder'z room...TELL ME WATZ NEW...hahaha...diz iz basikally a glimpse of my life'z kurrent routine...my routine consistz basikally doing nothing important, doing nothing important, doing nothing important & ofcoz doing nothing signifikantly important...& YEZ...I've bkam a blogging junkie...& itz not even de blogging aspek of blogging...i'm more manikly obsezzed wit de whole templating stuff & making sure every single detail iz thru my eyez perfect...itz kinda skary 2 think abt it...itz az if my whole purpose of living nowadayz iz 2 try 2 make my blog look more kreatif...I'm reminding myself of Unkle Peter...infact kalau Unkle Peter ader MSN we'd b chatting rite now...abt wat only God knowz...hahaha...Oh yeah...I havent been a good fren or person lately...I make diz statement & I feel exasperated & I so badly want 2 bkam de old me again...But itz like so hard & I donno why...i have a so-kalled "Gift" 2 see ghostz (hahaha...nolah)...i mean help ppl out in timez of need...but amazingly i kant seem 2 krawl out of my deep black whole...Liyana told me de other day I shud bkam a DJ...& I'm kontemplating weder i shud or shuden...haha...bkoz I realized dat I seem 2 amazingly know a perect song 4 any okkasion, mood or problem someone might b facing...itz like...when someone kamz 2 me wit diz problem...I'd b like "Okok...u listen 2 diz song...I'll send it 2 u"...haha...I mean...music iz a great thing...I juz tot it might help...music surely helped me thru a lot of bullshit in my life...so y shud it b any different 4 otherz...
...Damn...I feel guilty...mentally numbed...stupefied...bad...worthlezz...inkredibly dry...
Mayb wat I need iz 4 someone 2 care...not 2 judge me or think anything bad abt me...I donno...since I've been blogging abt wat I felt in de past few entriez I have a feeling my frenz have been liking me less...I feel bad...but I also feel honest...I feel honest bkoz no matter how ugly & contemptible my thoughtz & feelingz r...I xternalize it...I'm not repressing it...mayb datz y I feel so distant frm my frenz...mayb dey think I'm a bad person...Manyb having a blog iz really not a good idea after all...mayb it really iz wat I originally thought it waz?...komplete krap & bullshit...Mayb az I said it once & I say it again I juz need someone 2 kare 4 me...enuff of me karing & being der 4 ppl...I'm sick of dat koz no one iz being der 4 me...I kant even get an apolgy frm my fren...Mayb I shud juz vanish in2 nothingnezz...no one wud even realised or give a damn...may dey wud & tell me dey do care...but datz all de sympathy I'll ever get...coz dey're 2 busy wit deir own problemz...again I ask y do I even bother getting out of my own way even when I'm down in de drainz 2 help ppl when dey wont do de same 4 me...& not dat i juz made diz statemnt ppl will say I'm a bad person...i'm even hearing a voice frm some imaginative person I kreated inm y mind sying..."U r bad Arman...U shuden b tinking like dat...u shud alwayz help ppl...u shuden b so selfish"...mayb I'm tired of dat...mayb I am bad...i dont want 2b de kind pf person who tinkz diz kind of stuff...I really dont...but I juz do..
Damn I mizz Cik Amin...Y izen he here?...y?...I need someone 2 help me out...he haz alwayz been non-judgmental 2wardz me...(apart frm de fact dat he thinkz im bullemic...hahaha)...He alwayz made me feel special...he told me he shuden have faveretz but I'm hiz fave nephew...hahaha...sniff...damn...I havent been writing 2 him...when he doez get out I wont blame him 4 not giving a damn abt me...But somehow I get de feeling he wont despise me...he'd still treat me de way he alwayz doez...damn...he makez a beter father den papa will ever b...Oh man...my brain feelz so numb I'm not sure weder diz depression kan even get 2 my brain...datz wat I have bkam...my life haz no more vibrance & zest & colour 2 it...
I tink datz enuff...2 my frenz & whoever who knowz me well enuff out der...I kant b der 4 u...I juz kant...I'm tired of being der 4 ppl who kant b der 4 me...datz an honest feeling i have...sorry If u think im an assole...I juz kant...
he flared his nostrils rapidly [1:38 AM]
Saturday, April 10, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <30>
Hey Ya Bloggie...i had a haircut 2day...& 4 de 1st time ever in my hair-cutting history I tot it look kinda good!...usually after de barber haz cut it I'd feel a sense of hezitation 2 look up in2 de mirror & look @ my face & de new hairstyle...I'd b tinking "Man...i'm stuck wit diz face & de hair-kut makez me look even worse"...But 2day I waz pleasantly shocked...haha...infact de shortnezz makez my hair look even de more fiery...de reddishnezz lagi obviouz...MAN...i dont think i ever want 2 have my hair black again...haha...& now it'd b eazier 2 style it diffrently...tired of de Armani look man...mentang2 namer aku Arman rambot pon nak Armani...sheesh...2morow I'd get my bro 2 teach me 2 style it de way he doez..koz when my hair waz long susah dier nak stylekan...Dat day i waz like late 2 meet a fren...lagi 10 min kener jumper i'm still @ home gelling my hair...den my bro kam in2 de room & he'z like "Don't comb it...juz uze ur handz"...& he started styling it wit hiz frenz...more like having fun messing it arnd...den he said "Ur hair iz 2 long so now u look like an idiot...", &i waz like "U FREAKING IDIOT"...HATE HIM MAN (hahaha...no lah..love him)...SOOO...new fresh hair-kut...pretty good way 2 start anew i gezz...wanted 2 start on a new fresh page in my life...so...yeah...ok...good way 2 start anew...
Mama made me home-made browniez 2day...& dat waz nice...i mean...it waz a nice thing she did...ko she knowz I love Browniez mah...she waz like tiber2 out of de bluez making some cake in de kitchen (she only makez cakez when shez strezzed out...actually...itz her favourite past time...my aunty haz been trying 2 persuade her 2 open a small Food Shop @ Randwick pat Sydney wer she livez koz mama iz really good @ her craft)...& i asked her..."Buat cake?"...& she said yeah & *yada-yada-yada*...haha...only den did I realized she made Browniez...haha...been awhile since she did something nice & "manja-ing" 4 me...it waz...it waz nice...
Oh yeah...my cat iz back...had an operation & now hiz peniz iz removed & derz only a big-hole so dat he kud urine eazier...& inkaz derz any blockage again de procezz of removing de rockz frm hiz bladder iz much much eazier...now Adek haz 2 put diz "colar" thingy arnd hiz neck so dat he kan't bite off de stitchez...he really lookz like a walking lamp post 2 me...
Well datz all 4 now i gezz Bloggie...till de next time...
PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [11:32 PM]
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <29>
Hey Bloggie...sighhh...haha...life iz funny ya know?...it really turnz upside down & der r so many twistz & turnz 2 it...Mayb i'm in a different phase of my life az i grow up az a teen & leave adolescent yearz & sekandery skool life...Dat meanz i have no komplete sekure kontrol over wat life will throw right @ my face in diz unseen future...but datz how life haz ALWAYZ been aint it?...EVERYTHING iz in God'z hand...i juz have 2 try my best, 2 make de best of my life...day by day...
Tadi during religiouz klazz Ustad told uz all sometin dat really opened up my eyez...actually more of opened up my heart...he told uz dat we shud ask ourselvez..."What if i were 2 die 2morow?"...& wit everyting going on in my life it really waz like throwing ice on me on a hot day...i mean seriouzly...WHAT IF I DIED 2MOROW?...ok...4 one thing i kan definitely say i diden get 2 watch de Amerikan Idol bkoz Ustad asek2 dari satu topik nanti dier rocket off 2 another topik yng takder kene-mengener...& also bkoz de Makcik JUZ HAD 2 insist we stay & eat...My God...takyah lah Makcikkk...da makanlahhhh...tak lapar...but der i waz stuck eating Rojak India...okok...now I'm rocketing off 2 another thing...okok...so datz REALLY an "insightful", "deep","thoughtful" , "deep" thinking Arman...haha...okok...2b honest...I wud feel i kinda wazted my life in some sense...i mean...I'm a soulful thinker & I konstantly engage myself in self-reflektionz...& i HAVE done signifikant thingz & changez in my life...but if i were 2 die 2morow...i wud definitely regret not trying 2 make an effort 2 change my life 4 de better...especially diz past few dayz/weekz...
But again 2b honest...i simply gave in...gave up...on trying 2 fix my life coz I'm tired of struggling...i'm juz tired of fighting...but now...I think...NO...I believe dat life iz a konstant struggle...but der will b timez wen we get 2 savour & enjoy de fruitz of our struggle...cobaan lah katerkan...& i juz have 2 b a fighter & InsyaAllah...God will blezz me wit happinezz...sighhh...OH GOD...i'm getting all philosophikal & wise...but datz alwayz been me izen it?...
Well aniwayz...i waz listening 2 de radio & my bro downloaded diz song 'Away From The Sun" by 3 Doors Down...& i waz thinking...izit juz me or iz diz band konstanly singing my life away...materialising my life in a song...1stly it waz "Here Without You" who made me tink of dat "someone"...& now diz...Well...muzik iz a beautiful thing...I listened 2 de lyrikz 2 diz song & it kinda kaptured diz phase & fruztration in my life...dat once again...I'm in de darknezz...away from de sun...but i gotta keep on fighting 2b in de light yeah...sighhh...juz keep on fighting...
PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [11:32 PM]
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <28>
Hey ya Bloggie...I won't b krapping & I'll juz go straight 2 de shit dat i wanna say...LIFE SUX...ya know my previouz blog song "The Science of Selling Yourself Short" by Less Than Jake? (previouz entry daaa)...well i kan't help but keep on selling myself short & my brain iz going numb & i feel so bloody stupefied...de past few dayz/weekz have been bringing out de worst in me & everyone iz beginning 2 c de uglier side of Arman man...i'm bkaming so bloody tempremental i swear de only thingz missing r 2 large fat glandz hanging on my chest & de only thingz not missing r my ballz &......"banana" (wat a freaking old skool way 2 kall ur peniz...der...i said it...PENIZ)...DAMN...i tot all doz bloody raging hormonez & teenage shit waz supposed 2 b over after i left sekandery skool...BUT NOOOO...i'm feeling agitated over every little thing...Goodbye adolescent yearz welkam teenage bullshit...k ah...gotta kut myself some slack...not all de shit & de konstant feeling of damn fruztration & anger & fucked-up-nezz basikally...iz 2 b blamed solely on hormonez...de ppl arnd me r really beginning 2 b full of shit...ya know wat happened between my mama & me not 2 long ago rite?...i had even konkluded on de fact dat my mama lovez me but she doesn't like me @ all...& somehow dat made me feel sooo much better...& pleze don't have sympathy on me (well mayb a little sympathy won't hurt)...koz dat fact i konkluded iz a mutual statement i made on my behalf...arghhh...& de funny thing iz dat after i rest my kase on diz sole konklusion of mine my mama startz liking me again..."de wonderz of life" I gezz...arghhh...wat de krap...but i am thankful all doz bullshit between uz r over...or mowned down 2 say de very least...
Well I think diz '"depression" & "konsuming myself in my own doom" iz (I HATE 2 ADMIT IT LAH DAMNIT) by far & large my fault...it all started wit me wazting my life away @ home like a geek, a loser & watever u may like 2 kall me, wit no social life...i waz bkaming like a jungle boy...or a trapped bird in a cage (wahhh...ber-analogising nampak...arghhh...wat de krap)...whoze kut off frm de outside werld...de only thing i have been doing?...perfecting my blog...i tell u...i'm more obsezzed abt perfecting de whole outlook of my blog den actually blogging itself & externalising alll diz negative emotional bullshit within me...(well az i'm typing diz i'm doing ezakly dat aren't I u moron???...arghhhh...wat de krap)...well 2 juztify diz i kud argue dat konstantly obsezzing abt how my blog lookz did allow my kreatif juicez 2 glow...INFACT...I'M CAGED @ HOME NOT BKOZ IM PERFEKTING MY BLOG BUT IM PERFEKTING MY BLOG BKOZ I'M CAGED @ HOME...kk...i waz saying b4 i rocketed off 2 another thing yng takder kene-mengener langsong...I waz & still iz...errrmm...wasting my life away...I'm de personification of slobbinezz...slackernezz...& 2b kompletely totally honest it waz getting a lil depressing...biler nak ajak kawan kluar dorang either werking (yng ngah tunggu nak masok Poly) or skooling (budak2 JC)...EVERYONE seemz 2 have some form of fixed strukture in deir livez...& im all alone...& again 2 b kompletely honest i'm missing my frenz ah...itz like...de worst position u kan ever b in after getting ur o levelz resoltz iz not doing aniting but b stuck @ home when every single one of ur frenz iz skooling pat JC baru dorang or werking & earning money while waiting 4 Poly life 2 start...& az i waz saying...biler nak ajak kluar dorang penat ah...nak amek uniform baru ah...on weekendz everyone mirakulouzly haz werk 2 do...some have 2 study (okok...studying iz a good thing...& i'm sounding bad...but de point of having a blog iz not 2 sound angelik but 2 b honest & truthful & 4 my kase dat kan get real ugly)...so aniwayz...2 sum it all up...I'm alone @ home while everyone iz bz-ly engaged in deir own livez & i'm feeling very deprezzed az a resolt of it...& when ur doing nothing neccesarily signifikant Makcik aku cakap setan suker godeh2...like try 2 sumbat komplete bullshit in my head...N DER U HAVE IT...all diz bullshit in my head iz being materialized in2 werdz 4 everyone 2 c & if ur an asshole enuff u'll make a mockery out of my misery...arghhhhhhh...wat de krap...
AND SOOO...after i told my frenz of my misery some of em told me (basikally only Lina lah...haha)...dat i'm 2 b blamed abt diz so-kalled "dilemma" of mine...dat de 1st step i shud take iz finding a job...& i told her i did...pat Cathay Cineplex...but doz idiotz tak kall balek...kater takder job vakancy tapi biler aku tengok wayang one randomly picked day pekerje baru semuer entah dari lobang maner muncol...& i also told her dat i kalled up SportsLink (Wendy yng gave me de number & all dat stuff)...den Lina said..."de farthest u looked 4 a job iz only at CWP?"...n i waz like...guiltyly answering back..."yeahhhhh"...n she told me dat i shud not komplain if i diden try hard enuff & dat if i were 2 try hard enuff & still life mirakulouzly kontinue 2 b full of bullshit (okok...she diden ezakly say doz werdz...aku pandai2 lah tambah werdz 2 get my msg akrozz kau niiii ponnn)...only den u kan komplain....AND SOOO...i tried 2 look 4 a job tempat lain...kawan Wendy nyer kawan know abt diz salez cashier or aper bender entahnyer kejer pat Robinsonz pat Xpo situ...n so me, Wendy, Yvonne & kawan dorang, de gerl who informed de rest of de gerlz abt diz job, made our way 2 City Hall 2 apply 4 it...N BLOODY HELL DE QUEUE WAZ BLOODY LONG (not dat dramatikally long but long lah)...cam orang nak audition 4 Amerikan Idol sak...i wuden b surprised if tiber2 tedengar suare Randy kater "Watsup Dawggg?"...or Simon insulting another talentedlezz hopeful & sayin someting like "Dat waz kompletely horrible...I kud never tink of aniting more horrible den dat"...(Fast-4ward)...well...abt one hr after endlezzly queing up, if Randy were 2 ask me "Watsup Dawggg"..i'd tell him...#$%^&&%#@!@#$%!!!...Yez...i'm fruztrated!...coz my azz hurtz 4 no reason...& dat my frenz were konversing mainly in chinese & made me feel sooooo fucking left out like an outkast...yeah datz rite...i diden want 2 externalize it den ah man...thingz will get ugly ah...but i felt so unrezpekted, offended, insulted, n dizkriminated man...IM FUCKED UP ABT DAT LAH...skrew de fucking job ah...i don't give a damn abt de job...kalau gian sangat nak kejer my mama said i kan werk part time while i'm in Poly...GOD...are we really dat broke & in dezperate need 4 money?
N N oh yeah...diz waz how my konversation wit my fren went on MSN de other day...
Fren: Watcha doing now?
Me: Nothing...juz lazing away @ home..U?
Fren: I'm werking, earning money...
Me: Icic...I'm trying out 4 a job @ Robinsonz 2morow...
Fren: Only now u want 2 look 4 a job? -.-" (yez...he made dat fucking online face 2...bitch)
So if I diden kompose my totz...i wud've said...WHY?...U GOT A FUCKING PROBLEM WIT ME ONLY LOOKING 4 A JOB NOW?...WHY? U'RE TRYING 2 TELL ME U'VE BEEN EARNING UR OWN BLOODY POCKET MONEY & BALANCING SKOOL LIFE SINCE SEK ONE IZIT?...bitch
Well datz all folkz...almoz all de bullshit iz out of my head...& i'm going 2 fucking say diz again......I felt so UNREZPEKTED, OFFENDED, INSULTED, & DIZKRIMINATED @ Orange Juliuz juz now man...really did...
ARGHHH...WAT DE KRAP
LIFE'z A BITCH
he flared his nostrils rapidly [9:05 PM]
Sunday, April 04, 2004
"The Science Of Selling Yourself Short" -Less Than Jake
I've come to my senses that I've become senseless
I could give you lessons how to ruin your friendships
Every last conviction I've smoked them all away
I've drank my frustrations, down the drain, out of the way
So I sit and wait and wonder, does anyone else feel like me
Someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self esteem
I'll sing along with every emergency
Just sing along "I'm the king of catastrophes"
I'm so far gone that deep down inside I think
It's fine by me, I'm my own worst enemy
I could be an expert on codependency
I could write the best book on underage tragedy
I've been spending my time at the local liquor store
I've been sleeping nightly on my best friend's kitchen floor
So I sit and wait and wonder does anyone else feel like me
I'm so overdoesed on apathy and burnt out on sympathy
I'll sing along with every emergency
Just sing along "I'm the king of catastrophes"
I'm so far gone that deep down inside I think
It's fine by me, I'm my own worst enemy
Let the meanings slip away
Lost my faith in another day
Self-deprecation seems okay
I never thought I'd make it anyway
he flared his nostrils rapidly [5:58 PM]
Saturday, April 03, 2004
ReM!N!ScEnCe <27>
1ST OF ALL...Wendy'z bthday iz 2day...or izit 2morow?...or izit 2day?...3rd or 4th? (GASPZ...i fergot!!!)...hahaha...JUZ KIDDIN!!!...itz 2DAY...HAPPY BTHDAY WEN!...i know we both had a teeny weeny lil konflik bt sometin de other day thru de sms...but hey...2day'z ur bthday...dont give a damn abt it...hope ur not giving a damn abt it either...Aniwayz...juz wanna wish u a FANTASTIK SUPER DUPER HAPPY BTHDAY & may all ur wishez come true...pretty typikal Happy bthday wish but hey...az long az it kam frm de heart...love ya dude...hope u'll lyke ur bthday prezzie...i budget ah diz yr...& im not werking somemore...so hope u 4give me 4 it...hehe...(nervouz luffter eskapez my mouth az I tink abt Wendy'z reaktion 2 her bthday prezzie)...haha...time past by & ur freaking 17...so old ah u!...haha...i still have a freaking lonnngg way 2 go...sigh...haha...kk...2day iz not abt me...itz abt Wen...so anione who seez her wish her a Happy Bthday Hip-Hip-Hooray!...haha...lame i know...i kant help myself...
Well...besidez feeling happy dat itz Wen'z hatchday...i'm also feeling alrite...pretty alrite Bloggie...hahaha...wanna know WHY??? koz i have bkammmmm..."De Next Amerikan Idol"!!!!!...hahaha...juz kidding (duh! smackz head!)...well...juz look under de "Me" sektion & look at "Skoolz"...wat doez it state???...I'M A MAZZ KOMMUNIKATION STUDENT @ NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIK!!!...WEEE HOOOO!!!...found out yezterday wen i kalled up NP'z Voice Respond System...& damn!...waz i happy!!! Senyum lebar giler...haha...well...kongratulationz 2 me i gezz...(Grinning lyke shit)...
Hmmm...i had one heck of a shock juz now...coz my blog waz supposed 2 play "Crazy" by Javier...tiber2 lagu techno/dance kam booming out of de speakerz...i waz like WAT DE HECK!...den de more i listened 2 it de more i like it...woah...Arman iz listening 2 Techno & aktually liking it...wat iz diz werld kaming 2?....hahaha...kk...now my ShoutBox buat prangai...donno y itz not loading...2 b honest my whole kom iz prangai-ing...i tink itz getting sick of looking @ my face 24/7 4 de past few dayz...de feeling'z mutual kom...dont worry...kk..i gotta split...bye Kom!...
PEACE
he flared his nostrils rapidly [12:52 PM]